Visit of the Fawn and Love for Self

You have now seen my home, my hut as you would think of it. It is filled with smells of herbs and earth and smoke from my fire. The walls are warm clay earth all around except for the floor is of Mother Herself, deep dark brown, smooth, shiny in some places, flat mostly. Sage. The smell of sage today, newly harvested. I place it in a place of honor but I honor all the plants I dry who come to help me.

Today I showed you a story in my life. How I was out gathering herbs and mushrooms and other things near the meadow at the in-between place where all things happen that are meant to be shared. A doe came out of the forest with her fawn and she came up to me and I could smell her deer-ness, her fur, her animal smell, her nose cold and wet like a dog’s. Her eyes deep, deep black. She kisses me and I know it is Mother Earth in her, of her. Coatzcoaltl even though I don’t know where that came from for I’m not of that village, that is not my Tribe and I sat down on the ground crossing my legs and the fawn came and sat in my lap and I put down my handfuls of herbs and stroked the little one’s fur, looked at her dots of white, felt the hardness of her hooves against my legs. She curled up in my lap drawing herself into a perfect circle and I saw in my mind the cougar at the edge of the forest watching us and I said to her not today, not today, not this little one, and I blessed the fawn to her purpose. She might be the life the cougar gives her own babies or she might grew to have babies of her own.

But I let go the idea that she must not die, for all things die, Susan []. You have died many times and come back. You know the life you have and the life you have taken in the past. It is all the same because we are all the same. We experience each other and feel separate but we are all the same. I blessed the fawn to her purpose and when I was done, her mother nudged her to get up and off they went into the forest and I sat still. I could not see them in the dark of the forest.

I sat for a long time there between the woods and the meadow. The plants in the meadow were brown-yellow dry now at this time of year. I heard the crickets and grasshoppers and snakes and wind. I looked back on how the fur on the little one felt and on her mother and the smell of them and I felt blessed as you would say. I felt my own mother. I felt Mother Earth. All with me and I felt the sun on me and it wasn’t too hot or too cold and I smiled feelling love. So much love.

You saw in your vision my pots to keep herbs. I give herbs to the women and girls and they make pots for me. Sometimes the pots they bring have soup or greens or things to eat like berries. I love berries. Sometimes meat from the animals near us and together we thank the animals who fill our bellies. You do not eat meat no longer. That is good for that is your path but don’t judge others who eat meat. Remind them to thank the animals who give their lives and to bless them for many have had hard lives. But once they leave the body then spirits are free to roam and play and eat grass or others things. That is not your path this life and you must also give up dairy. Completely, for no dairy cow is treated with respect like the mother she is. Not here, not this country, maybe nowhere. So for you, you do not eat meat or drink milk meant for babies.

You looked up Flores, Grandmother Flores, to see if I was of the Council of 13 Grandmothers. I am not. I am older than that. I am called Flores by the conquerors but I have a different name, one that I will give you one day when I am ready and you are ready. And you think about what if I were to speak in my langage and you were to work it out phonetically and that may happen. We’ll have to see. It may not serve the purpose of educating you, your soul. Or it may be proof someone or other needs to know this is coming from me. It may freak out others and they turn away. We will see.

You ask that all you do serves a higher purpose, for the greater good of you and all others, so we will see if this is needed. Relax in knowing that all will come in it’s time. You will speak with [] today. Don’t chicken out! She may surprise you with understanding or if not understanding, with a wait-and-see. You must take on your own life for your purpose is waiting. Your soul wants to complete what it set out to do. The world needs you to activate others. Push out those nodules like little children, to activate others. The tendrils of your heart push out the nitrogen-fixing – LOVE-fixing – nodules and plant them in others. This is your mission!

Free yourself of your own expectations. You live the life you are waiting to live. Be apart from others but also love them completely. Be among them but not of them. Our relationship will grow. You feel your relationship with Am fading, with grandmother higher self fading. These two will always be with you. They only appear as you need them to. And they were there to help you but this too changes over time. You will never forget that Am was the mother of the ocean of milk that nourishes all life and you can write about her too. Letting her story come out because it may spark some fire, some seed in another and we need this to happen. We need you to step up and do the work without fear. You are so loved and learning to love yourself. Your quirkiness – quirky-worky – and to feel your own presence in the world. The power is there, is yours. You already use it gently but not enough. Time to use it more but continue in your gentle way. Touch others with those love-fixing nodules, feed their growth. Tend the garden of souls.

The time for growing things in the Earth garden is drawing to a close but you are thinking about how you want to feed the garden with compost. Return to Mother Earth Her elements. Feed the buggy kids there, feed other animals, all whom contribute to the elements going from one stage to another. Sometimes when you see those fungi in the grass lawn you don’t realize until the [?] left there and so all the insects and nematodes and flies and fungi, all did their work, served their purpose, served Mother Earth by breaking down the body to elements and absorbing some and rearranging others and the atoms had time to think of what they wanted to do, to be. All of life contemplating what it’s or her or his next move would be. Move as in the next thing to do. Should I be a bacteria? Should I be a fly? A fly that becomes a bird? A bird that becomes a tree? You see? All connected.

We are all connected all the “time,” all through “time.” You know why I put quotes ? Because it is important to see how “time” is made up, not real but also sort of real when you are in the body, in the density of “time. ” I won’t keep using quotes because we’ll talk about time not time in the “future” for this is worth repeating and needs to be repeated time and time again until others feel it. You are starting to feel it. Allowing yourself to move away from time. Allowing yourself to BE instead of DO. Big theme for you. BE instead of DO but necessary. As it is also necessary that you will also DO but don’t overDO it. Ha ha! Little humor because you like humor. Quirky, that’s you. That is you through and through and there’s going to be lots of people who are like you and by you showing them it’s ok, they will love themselves more, just like you! Learning to love who you are. You’re Quirky. Yep and proud of it. That should be your mantra. Quirky Pride. Proud to be a Quirky Turkey. We could go on and on so much to say, to cover with you, but you have other life things to do. So for now, remember our love! We love you! Love you so much!

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