Your grief still needs to come out of you. You shed tears for your sister friend L this morning. Feeling the physical loss of her. All this work to this point you doubt now because you feel you are making it up to feel better. To feel ok about L moving on. About her not being here. Yes, it comes in your mind what I say and you add to it and sometimes take away. Sometimes [there are] things you do not want to think about or feel or admit to but you are still learning to listen to the truth, to feel true things and less doubt. That is also what you are afraid of – you have doubts. You touched grief this morning and began to take a path that made you believe that all this work was made up. Made up by you to make yourself feel better and yet you also feel it is true. This path makes you put one foot on either side of the trail. Just as doubt sits in the middle. You feel the grief and believe this is all made up and you also feel it is real. It is the truth. You do add to what you experience because you are an independent soul, but you also interact with other souls and some are on Mother Earth with you and some are here with us.
You have lead a sheltered life, one free of many dangers in Earth terms. How is that possible? Why do you doubt you have a guardian angel? Au has always protected you. You feel this so why doubt? When you wrote the story that you have worked so hard on and there were times when you felt that what you wrote was coming not from you for you don’t remember putting it down on paper, who do you think was helping you? Your muses. Spirits who also wanted to help you write a story. And how about all this writing? You listen to me and write. Some of it you recognize as your own and that is true because we are co-creators, but you also see that not all comes from simply you. That part is me. We are co-creators.
So what started you down this path of doubt? You asked me to help you. To help pull you into my world for a while. You were having problems concentrating so I brought you in and you saw that I was plucking feathers from a dead chicken and because of your Earthly experience, you felt the lives of all the chickens your family raised and then killed and you felt you had not honored those souls, those lives and while it is true that happened, you were also not fully aware of what it meant and means to take life – bodily life – from a soul. But it did influence you. It influenced you to become vegetarian and this morning, as well as several mornings prior, you have been struggling with taking milk from cows. Dairy products. You have in your mind how you wish not to use dairy products and this morning you were able to feel deeply, to journey into the life of a mother, of a cow mother, and see things from her life perspective. How she was, and is, forced to become pregnant against her will, without power over her body. And then to carry a child inside her, to birth that child, to feed it her body, her milk and to then have that child savagely taken away, hearing its cries now and the cries of the mother. The separation of souls. You see how this separation happens over and over? And you can relate it, to the separation of souls when one of you leaves Mother Earth. Not as savagely but sometimes without the souls wanting to part. But for the mother who is torn from her baby and her baby torn from her – this pain is almost unbearable but it is buried deep in the mother’s soul, her heart, and you do not think that this comes through her milk that you take without permission? Her grief is in the milk. Her tears which are not shed as human bodies shed them are in the milk and the milk is consumed all over the world and the grief is passed on. The grief lives on. It is hard for you to write this. The journey you took this morning was difficult. You felt her pain of not being able to have say over her body, to be forced to have a child and to feel love for that child who came through your body with pain but was full of love for you and nursed from you. To then have that child taken away and the milk for that child stolen from you for those who do not care for you and are rough.
As a human female woman, you felt how it must feel to have your breasts squeezed time after time at least twice a day, and roughly by machine or hand, to give up milk meant for your child. The irritation of your nipples and the pain in your tender breasts and the complete lack of control or acknowledgement of your pain, of your pain of separation from your child. You felt this, you took that journey because you need to. To remind yourself of the sacrifice that went into that butter and yogurt and buttermilk and ice cream. That which you enjoy at the expense of other souls. Souls who have no say over how those bodies are used and then at the end of their “usefulness” they are crudely destroyed. The only fortunate thing is that the soul is released from physical pain and suffering at an end. But the grief can still linger and you feel it now as you write this. But for you, it is an important lesson. You struggled the last couple of days with taking the butter and buttermilk back to the store but instead you used it, using an excuse to say it was for the cake for C. But you cannot do it again for your soul. You cannot continue, you must work as much as possible to use alternatives for you know the suffering and abuse of spirit that occurs for dairy cows and you do not want to participate in that. As a woman you feel that pain more directly even though you are not a mother, you still feel the trauma she experienced. As a child of Mother Earth, you feel for Mother’s other children and so this is your vow now. To not cause suffering. You will fail at this from time to time but you will renew your vow each time. I will remind you of this and you will ask forgiveness, not of me, but of your sisters – Children of Mother Earth.
Now this is all tied in to grief. The grief you have not dealt with for the physical loss of L. Your tears came today but they are not the only ones you will shed. You have this fear, this doubt that what we are saying about L being here is all in your head. Something you made up to make yourself feel better. But it is not true. This doubt is misinformed. You can grieve her loss because you knew her soul through the physical body of the one named L. But you also believe that her soul goes on. Because you believe and have been given proof over and over again that souls exist beyond the physical body, you believe this to be true and yet when it comes to L, you doubt it. Why? You doubt it because you grieve.
You are having a hard time understanding but it is because your grief opens a door in you when doubt still has hold. That’s ok. You’ll be ok. You will return to grief again and again and doubt will float in your mind and you will never completely believe that you didn’t make it up. You just need to be with us for longer to see. You started down this path because when you saw me plucking the chicken you recoiled and wanted to spin a story that I asked the chicken to give up it’s life or that it died of natural causes or some other kinder, gentler way of life being taken. And it really matters not what I actually did in my life or in what I show you. Today it was about opening that locked door behind which was your grief. It is ok to grieve for you are both human and soul and this is the lesson of having a human life. That separation of those in life from those returned to Source to this place where we are, is painful. To be separate and to grieve is a lesson of human life as it is for animals like dairy cows, which is why this was also part of the lesson.
You have not grieved like this before and it is ok to do so now and you will likely grieve in the future. Allow it. Allow your Self that choice. Don’t keep it locked away as you have been doing. I cannot say when this will not feel painful, for all souls people look at their grief in different ways. Some look at the locked door and never open it. Some unlock the door, peek inside and quickly shut the door again. Some open it and sit on one side of the door, allowing grief to come to them. And some climb inside grief and live it. Live it for a little while or for a long time. That is grief for souls in human lives. And for all souls, all and any of this happens both to not unlock the door and to climb inside grief from moment to moment. This is ok. This is all ok. That grief is there to be faced, to be embraced is a part of human experience for souls.
It comes because of love. Love is what is behind grief. Love is standing beside grief. Love is patient as the christian bible says, as do many other books and guides. Love is waiting there too. Love and grief are one in that moment of encounter. If you did not love L so much, you would not be experiencing so much grief. But your ability to feel grief as others experience it, is a gift you have or a talent. I like “talent” and so do you because it is not given to you but is part of you, because you are Source and nothing is withheld when you are Source. Source being all there is.
So this talent does allow you to feel grief but right now you hang on to grief and this highly affects you. You need to allow it to move on and to only remember the experience of journeying with someone else and their grief. You have much work to do, so much so that you need to work out how to let go of grief or of others’ feelings and be solid and strong in acknowledging and journeying with others through their emotions but letting those feelings go. Otherwise, you will get bogged down in some other soul’s experience. This you will have to practice and continue to learn how to let go.
You see a theme for this life? Let go. Flow means allowing yourself to feel but to then let go. You are feeling tired and a little wiped out from grief that worked through you for your sister friend L. It will return but now you know that you can climb in if you want and you will come out when you want. We will help you. We will be there as you need us. Today you asked for help focusing and I helped you focus on grief because I saw this need in you to face it, to address it, and so now you’ve had your encounter with grief. Feel now that love was always there. Love beside grief. Just as L is beside you now and whenever you need her. She knows too you needed to go through this and it was a help to her as well. For it is one of the things she set out to do – to love and to leave so that her sister friends could learn about grief and love more completely. What a gift to you and all your sister friends! She gives you a big hug.
With all our love for you and you for all the world and beyond, may peace also find you today to make the day go faster if that’s what you need. You are blessed, SEW, you are truly gifted and talented and kookie and loving. And we see all of that and know you love us as we love you. You are loved!