You are down on yourself this morning. Two days in a row. This morning you are thinking of how no one on that committee responds to you when you send out messages about dealing with racism or diversity issues. But you had a glimmer that perhaps your need for recognition, a pat on the back, was more about praise than needing recognition, or that they are one in the same. That is all ego-based. A soul, to your way of thinking, would just put it out there without the need for response. And some of this is true but still convoluted. You have a big heart and want to share. That is a loving move. But you also have a big ego and want recognition that you are antiracist and also a good person, etc. You “threaten” to withdraw, to pull back, to not share with other. What does that accomplish? That “they will miss me when I’m gone?” Why is it you need to be bolstered by continuous praise?
Perhaps what you really need is adequate rest – sleep! You are tired and want to shut your eyes and your thoughts meander, seemingly out of your control. You are begging to have an interaction with us that is light and airy, full of love but it is you who prevent you from having this. Again, you want praise from us and then refuse to give it to yourself or to accept love from us. This is a deep mire you’ve gotten yourself into. You are afraid you are going into a dark night of the soul when you have no reason to believe such and it is not a dark night of the soul – it is a moment when you are wallowing in self-pity. There’s so much work to be done! Here you are, mucking about and gathering the lowest of energies to you, Eeyore.
You have choices – to raise your vibration or to stay in this low energy, not rising into your whole being of Love. You could choose to tackle it in stages or in pieces – on a spirit level, you know you are loved – completely, just as you are and that is always, no matter what choices you make. You are loved and are also growing as a soul and you were not told that there’d be no growing pains. You are unearthing things that go well beyond this lifetime in your belief about yourself, your Self.
Old hurts and old haunts. You are bringing them to the surface to release them. This is a month for healing. The new moon is approaching, a time of purging old habits of belief and old beliefs. And you feel this tremendously, your vibrational patterns which once seemed set in stone are being shaken like an earthquake! The stones of your set-ness, of ground, are moving. It appears in different forms, different thought patterns, but all to the same end – OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW! But this will not happen overnight or magically. You must work on healing.
What is healing? Recognition of old patterns, beliefs, attitudes and feeling of inadequacy first. Then instead of staying put, staying stuck in them, recognizing that once these served you. But no longer. You put into your blog what Kali gave you awhile ago. Kali – destroyer creator, remember? Did she not say and show you that she was there to cut away that which does not serve you? So call upon Kali to now cut away those old patterns – unworthiness, hurt, withdrawal, anger, sadness, fear, doubt. How do any of these serve you? They do not!
You picture yourself with a physical blade in hand, slicing through the insignificant parts of your attitude, slicing away all those feeling of inadequacy, unimportance, hate, regret, fear (again!), all those beliefs about you that are like the vines Kali described – wrapping themselves around you as you stand still on your path having a pity party. But Kali cannot help you unless she is part of you, part of your psyche and part of your spirit. She doesn’t need to “take over,” she only needs to be seen as part of you – part of the soul, complete, rounded out, there to bolster you in cutting those vines of needless energy, energetic emotions that are at the lowest vibration possible. These may be some of the easiest vines to cut through – the ones still relatively young and small and fleshy.
Then you’ll need an army of goddesses to get through the rest of those vines. But you have exactly that! An army of goddesses! Can you not feel the rise of the Feminine energy in the entire universe? Well. Even if it is just a rise on Mother Earth, it has tremendous repercussions throughout the universe and the Universe with a capital U.
Don’t try to blame this low vibration entirely on the physical. Yes, you’ve eaten a lot of sugar, yes you do not exercise and yes you need to take care of your physical vehicle so your soul has time to simply BE, but it is really deeply rooted in your spiritual body. Your soul. You drag along many old family vibrations. And add them to your own baggage. Heavier than had you filled that baggage with rock people! Physically, it looks empty on the inside – a bag or piece of luggage – but if you were to pick it up, it would take a gargantuan effort, akin to that of Atlas raising the Earth upon his shoulders. Why do you need all of that?
Imagine if you got knocked on the head and had amnesia. Not the soul amnesia, but just brain amnesia, so that memories of childhood and previous lives went missing. Imagine feeling light, not bound by lower vibrations, only being in the present, the here and now. What would your perspective be? What view would you take of your life? How light would you feel? What would you do and be? What would you allow yourself? What if what was “knocked out” of you were old feelings of inadequacy, scarcity and fear? Your spiritual life? Your physical life? You’d look at your baggage, and wonder who that belonged to. It certainly can’t be yours, you would think. You have no memory of having it since you have amnesia. The good kind of amnesia!
Maybe there’s more than one way to visualize amnesia. Amnesia of the soul may be a picture of each of us staring at our baggage as we journey through this lifetime and we only see the actual journey out of our peripheral vision as we stare directly at our baggage. Why are we staring at our baggage? Because we have always done so. Because there’s a piece of baggage that worked particularly well for us in the past – maybe it was all new and shiny or in good shape, it had those multi-directional wheels and a nice handle. Maybe it held a lot. Maybe it was a hand-me-down from a family member and you treasured it as a keepsake. Maybe it was someone else’s baggage and they asked you to carry it for awhile, which became your baggage then. Maybe you’ve forgotten why you have a particular piece, where it came from and what use it is to you now.
What is your baggage? Why? If only you could knock yourself in the head without it hurting and thus cause amnesia that makes you look at your baggage and wonder whose it is, and why it is there. Maybe you move forward with only what you find in your pockets – a tissue, a couple of coins, lint, and a Swiss Army knife. Or nothing at all! Maybe no pockets!
It is difficult to imagine not having baggage. Even homeless people have possessions – including spiritual ones. Who would you be without your baggage? Or at least, a few pieces? Would you be able to travel light? Lighter? Travel light has more than one meaning here – travel without heaviness, burdens. Travel the light. Trip the Light Fantastic.
You can leave some of this baggage behind. Leave it without getting knocked on the head and having amnesia. Some pieces are just not worth keeping. What are you going to leave behind or thow out? Feelings of unworthiness; needing praise and approval; needing to project a sense of positivity constantly; needing to be gentle even when the situation calls for something more dramatic like “tough love;” needing to have a habit; pattern; way of doing things that no longer makes sense; giving up hand-me-downs and supposed heirlooms; mistaking other people’s baggage for your own; wanting more baggage to put more stuff in instead of getting rid of stuff and having less.
Physical acts of dumping and releasing and throwing out old stuff in the physical space may be a ceremonious and symbolic way of releasing baggage on the emotional and spiritual levels.
The first bag to go is the one that says you can’t throw anything out!
Throw that out first. Then throw stuff away or give it away. Clean house. How often have we said that to you? Do you see why? Do you make the connection? There are “things” you have that you will never use, just as there is baggage full of old emotions, beliefs, and attitudes that are no longer useful if they ever were. Throw them out and when that piece is empty, put that out to the trash.
Don’t hold on to the desire for approval – you already have it. Get rid of fear of doing something “wrong” – who cares? It is part of learning to be a soul. Throw out the façade of being always positive and if you are not, the belief that you mustn’t show your negative side – dump it, get rid of it. Open the space and dump the baggage. You’ve carefully folded and packed so many things into your baggage – things you don’t even remember packing! Why would you keep stuff like that? Get rid of that baggage and ceremoniously clear out the old beliefs, attitudes, vows, doubts, fears, patterns, habits, magical thinking.
You will feel much better and lighter and happier because you don’t have that weight. The pressure is off you. Release. Relief. You can do this, you can lighten and heal. Now is the time. This is the time to do that work. Feel us working with you. Have no doubt that we are here to help. We’ll help you empty those suitcases full of un-useful things, un-needed things. Literally and figuratively.
Let go. Let go. Let go. Goodbye baggage!
We’ve gone over this enough for now. You have things you want to do, souls to care for. So go do it. We’ll be here when you get back.
With our love, Your Spirits.
A Crone's Pen 