We are excited that you are excited! You feel that this may be your tribe [The Grandmothers]. You’d written about it early on – about the need to find your tribe and now it appears you have! We are of the Grandmothers of Light or of the Light but we are also the Council of Grandmothers. We are all one in the same but we are also different.
You have in you a doubt or maybe just a feeling that you want to have found others who are of your tribe and yet you wonder if you will resonate with them. You wonder if this really is something and some other souls you can connect with. You won’t know until you make connections. You have it in your mind that you will have an instant connection and be in tune with other souls’ energies when you find your tribe. But with this group of women, you won’t know until you make a connection.
You have some prejudices to overcome for many of the women are from California and you have a bias there that you must address. So few women on the East Coast, you are wondering maybe even doubting, but it is also something more, something deeper – you want to believe you are unique, that you are speaking with us and we are not working with anyone else. This is selfish, you understand? And it is coming from a lower energy in you – ego. But also, we understand that you have old patterns to overcome.
The need to be more in the center of attention then when you were a child in this lifetime. Your old or past or other lives are also impinging here. You used to be an actor and you used to be a priestess – both of which kept you in the center, the focus of attention. Those lives and the emotions invoked are surfacing now in this life. You do and you don’t want to be the center of attention. Why is that? Ego? Being taken seriously? Being heard and believed? Being in control?
We talked to you yesterday about control. Having control over others and being in control of yourself. And maybe this today is what comes up from that discussion. Your ego is saying “Look how unique I am, look how special, how wonderful. Worship me.” Worship me is something you’ve at least thought and probably said out loud in other lives. You are feeling ashamed of that right now. But you have no reason to be ashamed of that – it was who you were and who you are.
It did, however, interfere with some of your learning. So it has come up again. Instead of shame, you can contemplate humility. That is, recognizing how you are no different than others, that you ARE you but you are also of the Whole, the Source, the Everything. You are also everyone else. Instead of other, you are together.
You are feeling something else right now. Fear. Fear of being rejected from what may be your tribe, fear of being “kicked out” for being too weird, for not obeying all the social and cultural norms which is actually the output of cultural programming. You don’t want to feel outside, which you have experienced most really in this lifetime, particularly that period known as high school. You were labeled weird when you just wanted to be accepted for who you were. Take me as I am feels more real to you now than it did back then. Back then it was not something you wanted if it meant being outside of the group, outside of acceptance.
Now you are faced with the possibility that you could want to be a part of a group – a tribe – and that the same thing will happen. That you will be rejected as too weird or out there or “not like us.” You struggle with that and yet you have found others who accept you. You sisters of the Begans. You may still have your guard up around them somewhat but you are closer to them than any others. You don’t like feeling vulnerable. You want to hold back and show a perfection so that it is an impenetrable barrier to your soft underbelly so to speak.
Do you see how this may have developed because of your sensitivity? It was a survival mechanism for being sensitive to energy. In high school when hormones throw everyone’s feelings out of whack, including your own, it was chaos for, or from, a sensitive’s point of view. You were not exposed to that which would have helped you. Your parents didn’t understand, your grandparents were nonexistent (moved on to others lives for some) or were too preoccupied with their own lives. This is not to say you weren’t loved for who you were. You were just not given tools to protect your highly sensitive self and so you had to develop your own. There’s a loneliness to this.
To protect meant, and still means, to separate yourself from others. To tackle social and cultural programming by trying to fit in but also fighting it for you are a fighter but indirectly. Another protection for your Self. Now you are in a position where you need to let down that guard, that wall around you, around your heart. You need to let go of all the old feelings of fear that came up in the past and let them go. Allow yourself to be vulnerable knowing that we are here! We will protect your soul! We can do this to help you be a stronger and more knowledgeable soul. You are right on the edge of having that be your mantra, your core.
Maybe you need to see this as an experiment. Reach out to this group and see if they are your tribe. Don’t judge, just be open, be vulnerable. We are here should things go sideways. You see how we want you to try? You see how it is important for you to try? You must overcome your fear of not being accepted for who you are. You are finally coming around to knowing yourself. By connecting with others of like-mind, you will discover even more about yourself – some of which may be different, yes, but ultimately you will find other souls who are more like you than you have ever encountered before.
And we need you, all of those in Indra’s Net to be here for Mother Earth, for the Sacred Feminine. Any differences you do feel are coming from your human side of things, not from your soul. We are all in this together, we are one. We are all one! So it is time for you to take a chance on yourself – time for you to discover or uncover your strength as a soul. You have the ability to protect yourself if needed but we feel you will discover that this is not something you have to do (to protect yourself with this group), this is a tribe for you. This is a way for you to find out more about your soul and your path. Take it.
You know we love you so much and want the best for you as a soul. This is a chance to face your fear of rejection and come home to your sisters (and brothers too). Let go of fear of being the bright light you are. The expansive soul you are. You can only expand at this point, there is no collapse that is possible for you. Only expansion. So we want you to try. We want you to do it. When you need a little push like now, we give you a little push. Ok? You see how we love you? This is love too! This is love when you need a little oomph from us.
We are always here to share our energy with you. We love you so much and know the ways to work with you to help you grow. Your love is so strong – for us, for Mother Earth, for your loved ones, for other souls. Just so strong. Time to stop hiding your strengths. Your strength. Your light. Your love. Time to shine, dear one! Time to shine! Light warrior, light worker, light lover, lover of souls, lover of Self. You are our honey pie.
We love you so much and are always here for you. Keep meditating and writing. So many need to hear what we say. You are getting better and better at hearing us. We love you. We love you so much! We are always here, available for advice and consultation, available for a hug, available for a push when you need it. Connect with those other souls, find out by being vulnerable. We are here. We love you.
We love you so much!
A Crone's Pen 